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That Uncomfortable Feeling You Ignore
You know the moment, your boss makes a decision you strongly disagree with, but you still have to execute it. Or when that companywide email about "transparency being one of our core values" lands in your inbox, yet you're asked to keep certain details under wraps. Yep, that knot in your stomach? That’s cognitive dissonance flexing its muscles.
Cognitive dissonance is what happens when your beliefs clash with your actions, and your brain goes into overdrive trying to justify the contradiction. For Chiefs of Staff (CoS) and Executive Assistants (EAs), it’s practically a job requirement, a daily balancing act between loyalty and honesty, ethics and efficiency, pragmatism and principles.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl
The result? Even the most steadfast minds slip into rationalisation mode, convincing themselves that what doesn't feel right must somehow be right. But here’s the thing, it doesn’t have to be this way.
Before we show you how to tackle cognitive dissonance and keep your integrity intact, let's break it down. What actually is cognitive dissonance, and why does it love messing with leadership support roles so much?
What Exactly Is Cognitive Dissonance?
Cognitive dissonance is a fancy term from psychology, devised by Leon Festinger in 1957, which basically means “mental discomfort caused by holding two conflicting beliefs or actions.” Think of it like your brain yelling, “Does not compute!”
Here’s the kicker. Your brain hates this discomfort. Hate as in, "will do anything to make it go away." This is why we humans are pros at twisting reality. When faced with conflicting beliefs or behaviours, we employ tactics like:
Changing a belief (“Work-life balance is overrated.”)
Adding new beliefs to justify it (“It’s only temporary chaos.”)
Downplaying the importance of the contradiction (“Everyone works late. No biggie.”)
Sound familiar? That’s cognitive dissonance at play, and trust me, you’re not alone. Leadership support roles, with all their high-pressure demands and ethical grey areas, are a perfect breeding ground for it.
How Cognitive Dissonance Creeps Into Leadership Support Roles
1️⃣ “Work-Life Balance Matters!... Except When It Doesn’t"
Scenario
You preach the gospel of work-life balance to your team. “Log off early,” you say. “Take time for yourself!” But come 11 PM, there you are—answering emails before you even brush your teeth.
Your Inner Justifications
“I’m not really working late. I’m just getting ahead for tomorrow.”
“This week is exceptional, it’ll calm down eventually.” (Spoiler alert: It won’t.)
Your actions betray your core belief in work-life balance. Instead of admitting it, you rationalise the contradiction.
The Fix
Set boundaries you actually stick to. If you're championing balance for your team, lead by example. Emails can wait till tomorrow, you deserve sleep.
2️⃣ “We Have a Great Company Culture, If You Ignore the Red Flags”
Scenario
Your workplace prides itself on being inclusive and transparent. But you can’t help noticing that only one “type” of person seems to climb the ladder. Worse, feedback flows in one direction, and it’s not upward.
Your Inner Justifications
“Every company has quirks.”
“It’s not my place to raise this.”
“Leadership will course-correct... eventually.”
You see the culture failing its own standards, but instead of addressing it, you rationalise staying silent.
The Fix
Be the low-key ripple of change. Start small but meaningful conversations. Challenge the status quo with tact and a sprinkle of diplomacy.
3️⃣ "I Disagree, But I’ll Defend It Anyway"
Scenario
Your executive announces a decision you internally cringe at. Risky. Questionable. Unnecessary. Yet, in meetings, you morph into their biggest cheerleader.
Your Inner Justifications
“It’s my job to support them, not challenge them.”
“Maybe they know something I don’t.”
“Not my decision, why sweat it?”
You’re bending your beliefs to fit in, rather than addressing your concerns.
The Fix
Use strategic language to voice concerns. Phrase them as risks or opportunities to refine the decision instead of outright challenges. “Have we considered [X as a potential outcome]?” is your friend here.
4️⃣ “Rules Are Rules… Unless It’s My Boss Breaking Them”
Scenario
Your executive cuts corners, a quick hire outside protocol, an expense claim with wiggle room, or skipping steps that everyone else has to follow.
Your Inner Justifications:
“They’ve earned it, they work harder than anyone.”
“It’s one-time-only. Probably.”
“We don’t have time for red tape.”
The double standard is glaring, but you rationalise bending the rules because, hey, leadership has pressures too.
The Fix
If you wouldn’t break the rule for someone else, don’t excuse it here. Raise the issue as a “process integrity” concern rather than a direct criticism.
How to Tackle Cognitive Dissonance
(Without Losing Your Job... or Your Mind)
1️⃣ Catch Yourself Rationalising
When you’re justifying something that doesn’t sit right, ask yourself:
Would I buy this argument if a colleague used it?
Would I advise a friend to do the same?
If the answer’s “no,” you might be rationalising.
2️⃣ Call Out “That’s Just the Way It Is” Thinking
Leadership support roles often absorb questionable norms. Instead of accepting them at face value, question their relevance.
Ask yourself, “If this were a start-up from scratch, would this survive as best practice?”
If not, it’s worth challenging.
3️⃣ Frame Pushback as Practical, Not Ethical
The phrase “This feels wrong” rarely flies in leadership. Instead, express concerns in terms of risks and benefits.
"Could we face reputational risk if this gets out?"
"Would a transparent approach build greater trust?"
This keeps conversations focused and productive.
4️⃣ Remember, Disagreement Isn’t Disloyalty
Being an EA or CoS is less about endless agreement and more about crafting better decisions for the organisation. If you don’t offer constructive feedback, no one else will. Honest, tactful pushback is what earns trust over time.
Don’t Ignore Cognitive Dissonance, It’s Your Integrity’s Compass
Cognitive dissonance isn’t your mind malfunctioning; it’s a neon sign calling for examination. For Chiefs of Staff and Executive Assistants, it’s the cost of being in a role where loyalty collides with critical thinking.
But here’s the good news, you don’t have to pick a side. By recognising dissonance when it happens, you’ll build your skills as a pragmatic, ethical, effective leader in your organisation.
💡 “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” – C.S. Lewis
Next time you’re rationalising something that doesn’t align with your values, pause. Ask yourself: Are you reasoning, or are you rationalising? The difference might just define your legacy.
Meg ✌️
PS: Cognitive dissonance is not a failure, it is a signal. The best leaders and strategic operators know how to recognize it, challenge it, and use it to make better decisions. If this resonated with you, explore more insights on leadership, decision-making, and navigating the grey areas of executive support. Fancy some further reading? Check out below ⬇️
📑Cooper, J. (2019). Cognitive Dissonance: Where We’ve Been and Where We’re Going. International Review of Social Psychology. https://doi.org/10.5334/IRSP.277
📑McGrath, A. (2017). Dealing with dissonance: A review of cognitive dissonance reduction. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 11. https://doi.org/10.1111/SPC3.12362
📑Draycott, S., & Dabbs, A. (1998). Cognitive dissonance. 1: An overview of the literature and its integration into theory and practice in clinical psychology.. The British journal of clinical psychology, 37 ( Pt 3), 341-53. https://doi.org/10.1111/J.2044-8260.1998.TB01390.X
📑Egan, L., Santos, L., & Bloom, P. (2007). The Origins of Cognitive Dissonance. Psychological Science, 18, 978 - 983. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.02012.x
📑Harmon-Jones, E., Harmon-Jones, C., & Levy, N. (2015). An Action-Based Model of Cognitive-Dissonance Processes. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 24, 184 - 189. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721414566449
📑Ewoldsen, D. (2020). Cognitive Dissonance. The International Encyclopedia of Media Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1016/b0-08-043076-7/01802-7
📑Hinojosa, A., Gardner, W., Walker, J., Cogliser, C., & Gullifor, D. (2017). A Review of Cognitive Dissonance Theory in Management Research. Journal of Management, 43, 170 - 199. https://doi.org/10.1177/0149206316668236
📑Heaton, R., & Quan, S. (2023). Managing cognitive dissonance in art teacher education. Cambridge Journal of Education, 53, 473 - 494. https://doi.org/10.1080/0305764X.2023.2175789
P.P.S.
Why do I even have the nerve to write this? Good question.
Honestly, I’m just someone who’s spent years working with incredible executives, navigating the chaos, and figuring things out along the way. I’ve had the privilege of being the right hand to some truly inspiring leaders, learning from every challenge, misstep, and breakthrough.
I also happen to have an MBA (if that counts for anything) and I’m currently studying organisational psychology, mostly because I find people and how we work together endlessly fascinating.
But really, none of that is the point. I’m just here to share what I’ve learned, in case it helps someone else. Take what’s useful, leave the rest, and know that you’re already doing far better than you probably give yourself credit for.
Now, go be brilliant. ✨
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